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Since they reflect which partners people pursue, and not just who people end up with, one would need a way to observe unrequited overtures and requited ones to determine who people find desirable.Online dating provides us with an unprecedented opportunity to observe both requited and unrequited overtures at the scale of entire populations.We also find that the probability of receiving a response to an advance drops markedly with increasing difference in desirability between the pursuer and the pursued.Strategic behaviors can improve one’s chances of attracting a more desirable mate, although the effects are modest.).We provide a crisp, operational definition of desirability that allows us to quantify the dating hierarchy and measure, for instance, how far up that hierarchy men and women can reach for partners and how reach is associated with the likelihood of getting a response.

The distribution is roughly consistent across cities, and although women receive more messages than men overall, the distributions for both display a classic “long-tailed” form—most people receive a handful of messages at most, but a small fraction of the population receive far more.

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We show that competition for mates creates a pronounced hierarchy of desirability that correlates strongly with user demographics and is remarkably consistent across cities.

We find that both men and women pursue partners who are on average about 25% more desirable than themselves by our measures and that they use different messaging strategies with partners of different desirability.

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