Emotional intimacy in dating
It’s not simply personalities that turn you on, it’s personalities in people with whom you are able to feel comfortable and intimate and close.
But that’s scary because that’s relationship territory.
You want to be out there discovering who you are as a non-relationshipped person — which I totally encourage.
But you still want to be close to people, to be intimate and caring.
Thanks, Frustrated Hey Frustrated, A long time ago I had a voice coach who I saw once a week. He had a big wide grin and a gap between his front teeth and a voice that could hit notes I didn’t even know existed.
He also had a rare ability to make me believe in myself.
So a partner hears "I don’t want anything serious" and then isn’t sure how to interpret your emotional intimacy as something other than "more than casual." It can be confusing.
Compounding that is the fact that people — all of us!
Also many people (especially heterosexual women) don’t know how to be selfish during sex, or are unsure how to communicate what they want and stop what they don’t enjoy.It’s partly why sometimes (but not always) the first with a new person are fumbly and awkward, because you’re nervous and unsure and still learning each other’s bodies, desires, languages.And hey, I’ve had what I thought were strong cerebral and / or emotional connections that resulted in some of the worst sex of my life!(Note: here I mean consensual sex, as stopping non-consensual sex is a different topic.) So yeah, there’s a lot of tangling and disentangling, a lot of being unsure of how to mesh those fingers without either side getting stuck.But there’s another tension I hear in your letter, and I’m wondering if you hear it, too, now that it’s been a little while since you wrote it. I think you are trying to be honest with your partners, but I also think part of the problem is that you’re not being entirely honest with yourself.